Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Life isn’t as easy as I’ve thought.
To survive among the best is even harder.

Time flies. Another new year is waiting for my arrival. By that time, I’ll be another year older. Oh my, I feel that I am old. I really can’t accept this. By this age of me, I am such a failure and gain nothing, learn nothing new and achieve nothing. My failure has ruined the plan I’ve made. Nope, my parents made for me.

Since young, my future is already well-planned by parents. From kindi to primary school to secondary school to college and to uni. Well, I’m happy that they’ve transferred me to suria in my secondary years. I really appreciate the time in my secondary years because I have such nice friends like yan, yen, ni, tham, chi, shin, wen, yee, dred, jian, ho, meng…
They are so nice, I’m glad that I have them all around me.

Since young, I was told to take up the course in uni. Yeah. Parents ask me to do so. They are my parents, I have to obey them, do as they told. How much I do not like a certain thing, I still have to make myself to ‘like’ them. At the end, hatred came. Right now, I’m retaking a few papers as I do not meet the minimum requirements into Uni. Having trial now. Just started today. However, I think I am not going for the next few papers. I have tried my very best to pour out what I have prepared days ago. Too bad, I passed up an untouchable set of blank papers again. Just like what I’ve done in June. yeah, i failed that paper. same thing will happen on this paper again.

I am really regretted for signing up to retake these papers. I really hate myself for being that. Regret for something isn’t a good feeling. My regret consists of hatred, anger, sorrow and sadness. There are few things that made me regret and I don’t want to think back about them. I can’t erase them from my mind but they have carved deeply in my heart. Regret for decision I made bring me pain. And now, I’m suffering. Books I hate are sitting still in front of me. Arghhh…

Whenever problems come and need a solution or decision, I’ll think twice, triple…
So that I wouldn’t regret
So that lesser pains in me.

I still don’t know how am I going to face the future. I’m not young and my friends (everyone) have found their uni and some already completed a year or two from their 4 or 5 years degree programme. I’ve lost my track. I don’t know what I can do next. what else can i do??? I only know how to eat and sleep at home. How useless I am!!!

I’m useless

Friday, November 11, 2005

A Sudden Blue...

There is a sudden of blue mood with me. I don’t know why. All of a sudden, I feel sad. Sigh… i feel like crying too. What I can do now is keep sighing…

What’s the problem with me?! My mood is really down. No one can talk to me. Best Friend in kedah busy with her studies because she is having exam soon. Best Friend in TBS having exam too. Best Friend in UK is busy with her essays. Besides, that’s impossible for me to talk to her on phone as the calling cost would be very expansive. By the way, she has not got my letter. I posted it last Monday. Today is already Friday. Mr. Postman, please don’t lost my letter to her.

PS. Congratulation to Jimmy that he got what he wants. Don’t worry so much!
Good luck in yours exam, ching, fang and khee. And so to you all, my friends.
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